oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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