i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
