how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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