Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
