drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
You made out with two different species that night
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
