I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Im part way to drunk.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
