I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
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