If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
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