I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
