He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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