i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
