then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Randomize