Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
