What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize