I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
