Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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