I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
