your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
