It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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