you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize