I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
