so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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