"it" just moved
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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