hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
