We won't sleep together?
Non-Jews are for practice
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
