Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
