I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
