Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Randomize
