is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
