As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
