I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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