I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
