alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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