I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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