I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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