If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
