i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize