I would go down on you faster than GM stock
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
