Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
