Duck Duck Cougar?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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