there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
