I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
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