me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
