you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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