PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
