is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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