just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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