Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
