I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
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