My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
