Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
