Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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