Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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