how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
