hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
