DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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