Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
