I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
