Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
