My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
