i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
