Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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