That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Randomize
