On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i just had sex bonerless
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
