why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
