After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
