I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
You are the jesus of drinking
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
