WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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