Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
