strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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