So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Randomize
