That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
okay pat passed out under dana's car
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
