Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
