I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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