you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
