we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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