I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
