sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
