made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
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