We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
