I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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