The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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