doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
